Are you dating a player? Players are a very special type of person to date. Special in the way that the highs are so overshadowed by the lows, that it inflicts a very special type of damage.
But why are they so damn alluring, even addicting? In today’s article, I aim to uncover their mystique. But more so, to uncover your addiction.
Here are the 11 tips to surviving dating a player:
1. Dating A Player: Know Who You Are
Some players are self-aware and some are not. There are those who sincerely don’t know their actions affect others because their behaviors have been normalized.
Usually due to the enablers around them: friends; family, etc. And there are those who are players because it’s their way to protect themselves.
The most important thing before dating a player—or when you find out you’ve been dating one—is to know who you are. You absolutely need to know if you are in a place to have your heart massively disappointed and broken.
Because these are the likely odds.
2. Players Are Not “Mr./Mrs. Right Now”
If you’re looking for “Mr./Mrs. Right” it is in your best interest to disengage involving yourself to a player. And here’s why:
Who we involve ourselves with tends to affect who we are long-term.
While there’s the belief of “Mr./Mrs. Right Now”, what we don’t want to admit is how much entangling our energy and vibe with someone—physically, sexually, mentally, emotionally—involves healing afterward.
And this will very likely show up in the future relationship that was actually meant for you. Sadly, the baggage from engaging with a player will be the toxicity that will destroy the ability to have a future successful relationship.
3. Healing Should Be Reserved For Someone Who Wanted To Build With You
Players aren’t looking to build—they never have and never will. They are looking to enjoy you, take from you, and satisfy their needs. Your needs are unimportant and are always left behind.
You don’t submit yourself to experiences that are damaging. This doesn’t reflect self-love.
And when you make choices that aren’t self-loving, you have a harder time making beneficial choices in the future. Because you’ve now proven you can’t trust yourself. Building trust and integrity are essential in your most valued relationship: the relationship to your self.
4. You Can’t Convince A Player To Stay & Make A Relationship
Players don’t have the skillset to be in a mature relationship. Relationships are things you get better at with time, as you increase the integrity of the relationship you have with yourself.
Bedding different people every night, every week, every month, only exercises the muscle of “in the moment”. Not longevity.
We are creatures of habit. It’s very challenging to stop a habit: ask anyone addicted to a substance. Habitual one-night stands is an addiction. And players love that feeling.
Say it with me: it’s never your job to convince a person of your worth or value. If you need to convince someone of your worth or value—ironically you are showing the value you don’t have for yourself.
5. Why Would You Expect Someone To Offer You Something They Are Not Good At?
Players are NOT good at relationships. It doesn’t matter how their good looks or charm makes you feel. Because the feeling is NOT mutual. Some people can come into your life and test where you are at. They test your relationship you have with your self.
It’s completely okay to acknowledge someone for what they are, and kindly pass.
A player will not be able to give you a relationship, even if that’s what you desire in your life right now. Don’t let one person’s actions derail you from your goals—that’s way too much power to give one person.
6. You Can’t Change A Player
It won’t matter how much you spend to make yourself more physically attractive; how much you financially help them achieve their wants and successes; how much “love” and “understanding” you give…you will never get what you want.
In some rare cases, you might get what you want initially—only to be heartbroken by the very actions you worked so hard for them to change/not do/etc.
7. You Should Never “Save” A Player
Think you’re going to make them change their ways by showing them “what they’re missing” by committing to their lifestyle? It’s one thing to lie to a person, but it’s one thing to lie to yourself. Do NOT engage with denial.
They choose their lifestyle. It’s a choice. And they choose it, every day. All of life is a string of choices.
Their life doesn’t get better by you being in it. Your life is guaranteed to get worse if you outstay your welcome of a momentary fling or one-night-stand.
8. Players Don’t Settle Down
As stated in #4, players have increased their skillset and training in fickleness and an inability to build—an inability to commit.
There is no “class” you attend to learn this skillset. This skillset is developed through choice.
Unfortunately, a lot of players engage in the lifestyle running away from the inevitable: we grow old and pass away.
9. Players Set Themselves Up For A Very Lonely Future
At your favorite nightclub, you usually see “that one” elderly person trying to pick-up on the younger generation. Or they have a flock of younger individuals at their VIP table as they flash their money; popping bottles; and submitting to all sorts of hedonistic pleasures.
This is the future players lock-in for themselves. Remember, players have exercised consistency and mastery of one-night stands—not genuine connection.
The people that surround them later in life, may be younger & attractive. But those relationships and dynamics usually lack one thing: sincerity; depth, and loyalty. The majority of the younger generations will be after one thing: their wallets.
10. A Player’s Life Is Transactional
Whether it’s company, someone to actually give a sh*t, or for your time of an evening together—a player is designed to tell you all you want to hear, only to disappoint you with falsehood, pretenses, and lies.
Everything in their life is a transaction. You might be after their heart, but surprisingly, you find they have no heart to give. Just “nice actions” that you project your own symbolism, meaning, and self-validation towards.
They are just “nice actions”. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s your job as a mature adult to be aware of your own projections.
11. But Liana, I KNOW A Player Who Settled Down!
I’m sure you have. I do as well. But there’s usually 2 things: A) Their marriage doesn’t last. B) There’s a lot of cheating/micro-cheating you don’t see.
Remember: players have mastered their entire lives conditioning themselves to one-night stands and connectivity at the superficial level. Depth is something they are terrified of.
We attract who we are into our lives. This is incredibly true for those that we date. Players may end up with the beautiful wedding, wedded to their “forever”, and the fancy island honeymoon getaway…
And yet, they’ve never learned to manage their impulses before…so they will be heavily challenged to manage their impulses while in a marriage.
We practice our ability to be in a long-term relationship or marriage when we begin dating. So choose to date smart. Date with intention. Even if one relationship doesn’t work out—if you’ve learned the lessons about yourself—the relationship wasn’t a waste.
Engaging in a player might be right for you if you’re in the position of your life to have a casual fling. But admit honestly to yourself, are you secretly harboring hope this could turn into something more? Also, are you engaging yourself in the precursor of becoming a player yourself?
This is the power of our experiences. They influence & tell us who we are in the future. It all starts with a choice. How you navigate experiences—including dating a player—is something you will forever be changed by. So be mindful on your journey.
And most importantly: be safe.
Stay Well & Know Your Worth,