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What Having Trans Best Friends Taught Me About Life

Trans Flag

I have Trans best friends. This carries weight, speculation, and misinterpretations. That’s okay.

I’ve always gravitated towards the different, the uncommon, and the unconventional. After surviving extreme torment from bullies growing up (I grew up with severe food allergies, went into anaphylaxis 3 times, and covered with disfiguring eczema/psoriasis), I knew what it meant to be “othered” on many levels.

There is much I’ve learned about the Trans community in recent years and I will always champion the rights of those who are marginalized unjustly. In today’s article, I want to focus on the incredible life lessons I’ve learned from the Trans community.

Trans People Teach Us We Are So Much More Than Our Bodies

Every person will go through a transformative experience in their lifetime. For Trans people, their’s is just much more obvious. They transition flesh to match their inner-identity to their outer-identity.

Trans people are a reminder: we are not just our bodies. We are so much more.

Trans People Remind Us
Trans People Remind Us We Are So Much More Than Our Bodies

We aren’t just genitals; just skin color; just height, weight, age, race, hair, sexual orientation—there is something important and profound that exists beyond these attributes.

This teaches us all about the dynamic depths of our humanity.

Trans People Highlight Society’s Medical & Biological Ignorance

Did you know we all start with the same genitals in the womb? We aren’t just born with a penis or vagina. We actually start with the same tissues between the legs.

The brain and internal organs form first. Then external body parts form secondary.

Interestingly enough, sometimes this process can go haywire: brain forming as female, while the external doesn’t reflect this. And vice versa.

The Fact Intersex People Exist Proves Trans People’s Existence

Many babies are being born every week who have very ambiguous genitalia. They appear neither male nor female, but both. They are known as Intersex. This happens because like stated above, we all start off with the same tissues between our legs.

Back in the 1940s-1950s, babies born this way would be quickly taken by the Doctor for an “emergency procedure”. The surgeon would make a guess and perform an operation that they thought would suit the newborn child. Sadly, they only had a 50% success rate.

Today, if a baby is born Intersex, they will wait a few years to see how the child is behaving, and then perform the surgery. This has led to a 100% success rate.

The Brain Defines Gender

So when you consider that Intersex children still know what they are, despite having ambiguous genitalia (sometimes even alternate chromosomes), then it proves that gender is in the brain. Birth anomalies happen where the brain does not match the body and that’s okay.

And yes, males and females have distinct brain structures in specific areas. In rarer cases, this too can have its alternate wiring (i.e. non-binary, etc.).

Consciousness (spirit/vibe/etc.) drives the mind. The mind drives the body. The body changes the world—including the perceptions and understanding of the spectrum of reality.

The Mind-Body Connection

The mind and body are intimately connected. Like a forever symbol, the sign of eternity—the “which came first, the chicken or the egg?”—our physical actions influence our inner world, and our inner world influences the outer world.

Remember the earlier post on the Tao and the symbol of the Yin & Yang?

Yin Yang Symbol

The Mind-Body Connection is simply a balance of two dualities. Gender and sex are a spectrum too: of masculine and feminine energies.

Masculine & Feminine Energies

As we utilize the symbol and concept of duality, everything exists on a spectrum of two polar opposites.

Even the staunchest uber-masculine man has feminine qualities within to balance him out. Don’t believe me? Even with high levels of Testosterone, estrogen is still found in a man. Naturally.

Guess what influences a woman’s sex drive? A rise in Testosterone.

The human body is another set of balanced dualities. Always achieving homeostasis. Equilibrium.

No One Chooses A Hard Life If They Don’t Have To

I find it very difficult to believe, that a young child would wake up and selectively choose a hard life just for an “experiment”. The concept of self is felt at a very young age.

There exists the argument that young children shouldn’t be making large decisions until they are ready. True. But in the case of extreme dysphoria and mental anguish, this may be the only way to save a child who is Trans.

Authentic Kindness & Compassion 

A Trans individual is completely aware their need to transition will isolate them, marginalized by society into 3rd class citizens, and become the target of hate and discrimination. And yet, they brave this choice by still focusing on the need to be authentic and honest to who they are.

This emphasizes to me: “Be kind to everyone, you never know what they’re going through.”

A Life Is Not Well Lived If It Is Dishonest To Who You Are

Trans people simply want to experience the world in a totally transparent, authentic, vulnerable, and real way. They have taken on the huge responsibility of sacrificing comfort, to have the world see them at the level of heart—not of their bodies.

We can absolutely learn from this. Do we focus our efforts only on the physical? Or have we touched the depths of who we are, and have mastered crafting the skill of self-actualizing?

Do Whatever Makes You Happy, As Long As You’re Not Intentionally Hurting Others

Trans people do not hurt or annihilate others by transitioning. There will be a vast array of things we will never understand in life. Think in terms of a technically advanced mathematical equation—just because we don’t understand it or have the knowledge to solve it, doesn’t fundamentally make it wrong.

Imagine if all scientists and researchers approached every new problem in this way. We would never make advancements in our understanding of the universe.

The same goes for Trans people. Though most will never understand “why” or “how”, those are very useless questions when it comes to having authentic compassion for their plight.

Does Attraction To Trans Woman Make Me Gay?

A very popular question most heterosexual men question. Which I find amusing and hugely ignorant. My Trans friends are very attractive. And most straight men like them, for who they are, not what they are.

Consider this: when we meet others in public, we are always fully clothed. Finding someone attractive doesn’t involve looking at genitals, it’s everything else but the genitals that keep us intrigued.

Furthermore, most of a relationship does not take place in the bedroom. You spend an average of 8 hours a day sleeping. That leaves 16 more hours of enjoying someone’s company. A portion of that time will be spent intimately, but most of a relationship happens outside the bedroom.

This simply points out: you’d better be able to really connect with your partner in a mental, emotional, and/or spiritual way. Because if it’s just based on sex, you’re not going to be fulfilled or happy.


Having close Trans best friends has been an ultimate blessing. I’ve been able to connect with others who hold the same sentiment and belief: allies and beyond. And I treasure the community of open-mindedness, but especially open hearts.

I’ve learned that while it’s important to take care of your appearance, having a strong inner sense of self is something Trans people can teach us all.

It takes an insane amount of self-love, to go through a tough journey with no guarantees at the end of it. The only pursuit is towards authenticity and living transparently and honestly to who they are.

I love that. Because, we can all take a page out of the Trans community’s book, and apply these beautiful lessons in our own lives.

Be Well & Manifest Your Truth,

– Liana

PS: I want to give a shoutout to the tremendous work being done at Santa Clara County Valley Medical’s Gender Health Clinic. I have had the pleasure of getting to know the individuals and staff closely, and they are leading in their approach to holistic health in the Trans community. From their Physicians, Psychologists, Social Workers, Nurses, and more—they are representative of an important and incredible need for community and wellness in Silicon Valley.

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