Are you honest? Do you consider yourself to be an honest person? Not just to others, but to yourself?
When I used to date, I realized how many people are very comfortable being dishonest. To themselves and to others.
And maybe social media—editing photos strategically and hiding behind a screen—plays a role in our society’s rampant dishonesty. Honesty is given quickly because honest just is.
There is no pause, no hesitation. No time to edit.
In today’s article, I would like to unpackage why you should strive to be honest, especially in your personal life; and why living honest, is the way to achieve pride and fulfillment.
Honesty in Dating
Everyone desires to connect but cowers at the idea of being vulnerable. Vulnerability is honesty. And vulnerability is power. Because all things that are real, are built from an honest place.
Think of it like building a brand new house—if your foundation and numbers aren’t honest (accurate), you’re not going to achieve a strong foundation. You might not even be building on the right plot of land.
I always recommend in dating, to be honest about what you’re seeking. But most importantly, being forthcoming about where you are in life. Are you open to becoming serious? If the ideal person came into your life, would you be ready to meet a high-quality standard to nourish that dynamic?
Dishonesty in Dating
The worst is when you are dating a person, giving more pieces of your time and energy incrementally, only to be ghosted. The potential of possibilities is now shut off. The deepening of your connection together evaporates. It hurts because you are left without an explanation. It hurts because you are left with broken pieces to pick up—alone.
If you are the person who ghosts people, or flirts and engages with no real intention to take things seriously—leading people on—it not only makes you childish but a coward. A plain, bottom of the barrel, coward.
Be honest and upfront with what you are looking for. If you are looking only for temporary flings, there is nothing wrong with that. It’s only wrong, if you give false impressions, like a chance to build something meaningful. You have the right to plow the field, but not the right to use your dishonesty to access people’s bodies.
Know Where You Are, And You’ll Know Where You Are Going
This leads me to my next point. The only way to know where we want to go is to know exactly where we are right now. And that takes honesty. The type of honesty that is discerning and accurate.
I love to use the analogy of Google Maps. You can type in any destination in Google Maps, and it will drop an exact pin of where that location is. But in order to get directions—you have to know where your current location is.
A destination with no understanding of where you are does not produce direction. It only produces a place you wish to go.
Success isn’t about having dreams and wishes. Success is focusing your energy to achieve those dreams and wishes; turning them into real and experienced goals.
Honesty in Building Wealth
I personally know people who have very nice material possessions but struggles financially to keep up with a luxurious lifestyle. And I know those who have wealthy bank accounts but live very modestly.
I very much like the latter, so much more. Wealth, and how people represent it, is very subjective. It’s a matter of what is important to that individual.
For example, some women love luxury handbags. And other women would rather own valuable positions in the stock market, versus a luxury handbag. Building wealth is about having an honest assessment of what is important to you.
Because as all financial advisors recommend, being mindful of spending and saving, is how you can build wealth in short periods of time. Being honest about what is important to you can help you achieve the version of wealth that best reflects you.
Honesty in Physical Health
I’m surprised at how many individuals I meet who are chain smokers, eat processed foods every day, are on blood pressure medications, and by their own personal assessment labels themselves “healthy”.
I want you to remember: Denial is an individual’s way of lying to themselves. And as I said before, someone you lie to is someone you don’t respect.
Honesty and Self-Respect
Therefore, those in denial can only deny so fervently because they do not respect themselves. Period. They can only commit to their lies because being honest to themselves is too painful to face. And this is what cowards do.
Courage is sexy. Courage is in short supply. Be courageous.
Honesty is a Brave Man’s/Woman’s Code of Ethic
For people who struggle with honesty, being honest is a lot of responsibility and a lot of work. They choose to commit to this belief and expose their severe lack of character.
Lack of character is not an attractive trait. Period.
It speaks to laziness, an inability to grow, a stunted-mind, and a lack of accountability. I can keep going with the list, but this should be enough considering that this is either: the type of person you don’t want to be or the type of people you don’t want around.
Because like the quote I mentioned in my last post, “You die twice in life, the first is physically. The second is when the last person who knows you passes.”
So I will ask, how do YOU want to be remembered? What will others say when they use your name in a sentence, describing you and your impact in their life?
A Liar? Or a Decent Human Being?
Liars and dishonest people are very fickle people, ridden with anxieties and depressions. It’s just not healthy. Those who passionately persuade people with lies, are incredibly busy formulating ways for you to believe those lies.
Which is much more exhausting than building a life they are proud of, and a personal character they can stand by.
Little White Lies
Now, some of us may use a “white lie” here and there. The problem with this is it’s very hard to gauge when those “little white lies” will stop. And when they spill into more important aspects.
Essentially, we train our minds in average everyday moments. It’s not that easy to draw “a line in the sand” symbolically in our minds, as easy as drawing one on a piece of paper.
Being honest should be a quick reflex, an instinctual part of your human nature. Because this is the substance that will give you a great sense of empowerment.
Side note: instead of telling white little lies, try phrasing your response in a more encouraging way. Try encouragement, rather than lying.
Love is Honest
Love is powerful, when you give it to another, and especially when you give it to yourself.
And guess what? Love works with honesty. They work, symbiotically.
Loving another is about allowing yourself to feel honest feelings: the highs, the fears, and still deciding to take a leap of faith anyway.
The same is true for you.
Practicing self-love is about being honest about who you are currently. And loving the aspects you can stand proud with, and loving the aspects you are still on a developing journey with.
Those in denial will say, everything is right with them, and there is nothing needed to change. But go back to what I said about denial—denial is an individual’s way of lying to themselves.
And you deserve so much more, than to be lied to.
Live your life honestly, and openly. Be honest to yourself, the parts that need work—support that journey—and the parts of you that you can embrace fully without hesitation. And share your loving and kind honesty, with the world. Always.
In return, the world will tap into that vibe and frequency, by joining you in supporting your loving journey.
Because everything in your life is a choice. A choice of perspective. A choice of action. And a choice of belief.
If you’d like to know more about vulnerability, I love Dr. Brené Brown’s work. I’ve read her first couple of books, and I encourage you to discover and investigate the same: https://amzn.to/3jvHZq0*
Stay healthy and well,
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