Integrity is in short supply. It is my belief that success is obtained, and maintained, through having integrity. How and why?
In today’s article, I want to focus on integrity in relationships and breakups. While it’s very important in all other facets of your life, you’ll understand why integrity is especially important in how we relate to ourselves…and to others.
Integrity Is About Your Relationship to Honesty
Honesty is raw and real. Honesty is reality, unfiltered. I have come across those who believe honesty is about being “mean” or condescending. Actually, it’s neither.
How you express yourself is totally up to you. That’s your personal responsibility to be an a*shole or not.
Integrity is about aligning your actions with your words. “Say what you do, do as you say”.
Integrity + Honesty = Relationship With Yourself
We can’t expect out of others, what we cannot give to ourselves. Integrity and honesty are based on our inner relationship with ourselves.
Are you honest with yourself? Do you make commitments to yourself, and keep or break them?
For many, being honest is not commonly practiced in their lives. Because honesty requires vulnerability: an ability to be discerning to both the highlights and equally to the not so great aspects.
Can You Be Honest To Yourself?
When you are honest to yourself, you are able to appreciate and honor the parts which you aren’t the most proudest…but also deeply rejoice in the parts that you can.
It’s in this honest assessment that we can enter and apply them in our personal relationships.
Integrity In Relationships
You’re going to need integrity in relationships. It’s what makes you accountable and dependable. This is not about being “perfect”—nobody is. But it’s about being honest about what you can and cannot do. And being honest to especially what you can and cannot commit to.
Life and relationships can really be easy: if we are honest to ourselves and to another exactly where we are in our lives.
Hypocrites Do NOT Have Integrity
I believe, “Never ask someone something you yourself cannot commit to.”
Why? Easy. You’d be a hypocrite. Not a great title to have as your character. Hypocrites are a very special type of wrongful person. More importantly, relationships should always be handled fairly. What you can do, I can do.
So on, and so forth.
Integrity Makes You Dependable
When you share and build a life with someone: as a close friend or an intimate partner, you have an individual who is trusting you with their own hopes, desires, needs, wants, fears, and insecurities. These are the aspects of a person that are very intimate.
Having integrity allows you to have deepened relationships because you give the other person a vital sense of security.
Integrity Offers Security
Visualize: a strong shelter withstanding gust force wind. A powerful ship surviving torrential oceans. Equipment that doesn’t break and unravel with the lightest of use.
People desire things with integrity. They are touted as reliable and dependable. And gives a great sense of security against failure.
Imagine someone saying the same about you. When someone feels safe with you, you get to see their true beauty come forward—because they can open up those parts of themselves to you. They trust you. And that says a whole lot about you.
Integrity Builds Confidence
If you can trust your choices, and others feel safe around you, this easily builds inner strength and confidence in who you are—and what you are about.
Being able to face the mirror, both literally and symbolically, and loving the reflection is not about looking a certain way. It’s about the human in the reflection that you can love.
That person in the reflection is your best friend who isn’t leaving your side. So you need a damn good relationship. Based on honesty…and integrity.
Integrity In Breakups
It is important to have integrity throughout the span of your relationship. Not only is it good for the morale of you as a person, and for the relationship, but it also is added insurance if there is a breakup.
What do I mean? The people who have the hardest times with breakups are those who carry guilt (cheaters; abusers; manipulators; etc.).
Why? Because they have to be alone with themselves. And it’s terrifying for them. They caused their self-inflicted abandonment through their toxic behaviors. Short-term gains, for long-term losses.
Always Take The High-Road
From the beginning to the end of a relationship, have the integrity to commit to who you are. If you are a loving individual and that’s how you want to be remembered—be that.
Even in times of serious grievances or fights, have integrity to the person you want to remember yourself as through tough situations. Your future self will thank you. We don’t take upon actions that lessen our value. We don’t sabotage ourselves with actions affirming our worst possibilities.
Life Is Not About What You Get—It’s About How You Get It
Because anything in this world you can work hard for. And find the right people, the right channels, to excel at what you sought after.
It’s really about how you go about getting and achieving those goals. Did you have to betray people? Do them dirty?
Or can you look back at your choices and live with integrity, and be damn proud of your wins, because you know others win too—for having associated themselves to you?
And have integrity when you deal with another, especially in an intimate relationship—because a person whose life levels-up because of you and finds you accountable and reliable, is someone that is not easily forgotten.
Be memorable for the right reasons. Integrity gets you there.
Stay well & strong,