Breakups. Suck. There’s no getting around the immense pain felt from a broken heart and empty void that now takes residence in our lives. Every time we move, the empty space is felt wherever we go.
Your heartaches. Your eyes well up with tears, as memories play a carousel of cherished images. It’s savage.
There are two ways a heart is broken: it broke a relationship or left someone.
A Heart That Breaks A Relationship
All relationships begin with two hearts desiring to be with one another. The synced rhythm of a built life, and everyday experiences, fulfills each moment. Nuances of just being together, become very clear during a breakup. They are the parts we miss. Along with the big events too.
If you were the cause of an ended relationship, the heart which breaks, it’s not easy to hear but try to believe: it will get better.
Fill That Absence With Other Parts of Your Heart
The absence of your significant other can’t be filled by anyone else—except them. I agree. The point is not to replace, but to optimize the empty feeling with friends and loved ones.
Friends and loved ones will share their wisdom and opinions of the relationship that was just had. And maybe in their own observations, you’ll discover something you didn’t notice yourself. Listen in for these. These are the ways we learn and grow.
You probably are feeling immense self-disappointment, self-loathing, and pain. It’s not easy to be the reason why a relationship ended. Either by choice of hurtful words or consistency of actions that led to its demise.
But the only way to free yourself and heal is to allow yourself forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t just about owning what you’ve done—it leads to self-love.
Give Yourself Self-Love
Self-love is what you’re going to need to get out of this emotional turmoil and mess. So be kind and gentle to yourself during this time.
What is self-love? It looks like sitting on a bench in a lush park, appreciating the sunset. It’s making the effort to get out of bed and cooking yourself a warm meal. But most importantly, self-love is doing the hardest thing we can do as humans—honor and appreciate all that we are, inside & out.
Self-Love Isn’t About Perfect
Perfection is an ideal. It’s not a destination, but a journey. Perfection doesn’t exist in any relationship—including the one you have with yourself. And guess what? That’s totally okay.
Each day, week and month will give its own unique ups and downs. Just promise me to never get stuck in the downs. Ride through it, feel it, process it, and move forward from it. Expect to experience another wave or a series of waves. Just don’t stop moving.
For The Heart That Left
Leaving is not easy. You might experience doubts of your decision to leave your relationship. It’s always important to establish if there are ways to salvage it. Or try other options of professional support if both parties are willing.
But in the case that you are solid with your decision, the person who leaves often is the one that looks back. When the anger and frustrations simmer down, what’s left is the pondering if one’s decision to leave was made in haste.
It will be the commitment to your decision that will give you a semblance of peace. There will be days you still miss your now ex-partner. There will be days where memories will pop-up out of nowhere, only to bring you back to an emotional rollercoaster of missing, wanting, and longing.
And when this happens, use the #1 tool to help you through a broken heart:
Gratitude is the secret weapon to a broken heart. In gratitude, we are able to express and be thankful for what is in our lives right now.
There is an importance in this: the more we go deeper into the present moment, we escape the pains of the past and the worries about the future.
My current favorite book on Gratitude here*.
Going deeper into the moment literally drives us to a place of acceptance.
Gratitude and acceptance will transform whatever pain, into a liberating experience—where we can take action.
Whatever that action may be, may it always serve you for your highest good.
Stay safe and well.
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