Death is the process that balances life. Last year, I lost my Grandfather who was a major close figure in my life. Losing him during the 2020 pandemic only highlighted the loss as the world has gone through so much change in such little time. Today, I want to focus on 7 tips to overcome the death of a loved one.
And hopefully, if you’ve lost someone dear to you recently, can help you through this challenging time:
1. To Overcome Death Of A Loved One You Must Grieve
And you must feel deeply. Never bottle your emotions—you’re only procrastinating the healing journey. And that journey is a gift.
By not allowing ourselves to fully grieve, we aren’t processing how deeply someone has meant to us.
This is not a time to invite self-destruction upon ourselves. Instead, this is an invitation to explore all of the reasons our loved one meant so much to us. And you find this through your shared memories together.
The most important aspect of being alive is our memories: they tell and influence who we are, today.
2. Overcoming Death Of A Loved One Is About Memories
“You die twice in life, the first is physically—the second is when the last person who knows you passes.”
Have you ever wondered why ancient civilizations were dedicated to building very powerful and ornate temples and structures? Especially in the case of the Ancient Egyptians (who were very obsessed with the afterlife), death wasn’t feared: being forgotten was.
Keeping the memories of our loved one alive, through telling and sharing of favorite and fond memories are important. Do it. Share your favorite memories openly and unapologetically.
More importantly, is how you will use those memories in the moments that test your will to live. When you meet fear along the rest of your journey, how will you invite the memories of your loved one to inspire strength? Courage?
3. Overcoming Death Of A Loved One Respects The Grieving Process
There are 5 stages of grief. Having this roadmap isn’t meant to overwhelm you or pressure you to arrive at the final “destination”. Ultimately, it’s a way of guidance; so that if you feel you’re lost along your journey you have an idea of where you might be.
The grieving process is not linear, but an organic ebb and flow: a few steps forward; then a few steps back; more steps forward; and then more steps back.
You never “graduate” from the grieving process. The last stage “acceptance” isn’t that you’ve forgotten about your loved one. Instead, your life fills that new empty space in your life with other new experiences because of them.
Certainly, you will always miss your loved one & they are not meant to be forgotten…instead, your life has a fresh and new meaning, because they live on through you.
4. Overcoming Death Of A Loved One Is About How They Inspire You To Now Live
This process of overcoming the death of a loved one is a tough journey. It’s not easy, and never will be. There is a saying that when someone passes away, a version of the world—of reality—has died along with them.
Only they had that specific view of the world, formed through their experiences. Through history and time lived.
For example, my Grandpa lived through the era of WWII & The Vietnam War. He’s seen life before the internet and all the technological advances we have now and take for granted. Experiences I will never live through…nobody can. These are part of history that only select people are able to say they’ve overcome.
Furthermore, the gift that you were able to be part of your loved one’s story, experience, and journey: you are just as much a gift to them as much as they are to you.
5. Energy Can’t Be Destroyed, It Simply Transfers Form
As Albert Einstein had deduced, the first law of thermodynamics, “Energy cannot be created or destroyed.” We are energetic beings having an experience as humans. Whether you use words such as vibe, spirit, soul—those are labels for the same thing.
After all, Shakespeare did write, “A rose by any other word would still smell just as sweet.”
Your loved one is no longer physically present…it might seem. But they are very much part of this universe, part of you, and with you. Everything in the universe is always changing form. All things in the Universe age. And while things age, the energy contained within is transferring continuously.
Our entire lives are a constant flux of balance: taking and outputting energy. Until eventually our energy transfers beyond the human experience.
6. The Death Of A Loved One Isn’t The Death Of Love
Because love is an energy. Love is found in an array of forms: between family members; relatives; friends; parent-child; companionship; pets; etc. No matter how you dress it up in human form, the sincere love we have for another is not lost when our loved one passes.
Overcoming the death of a loved one involves being receptive to the love that is always there. That’s the very reason why this is a hard experience. We submit to the idea that by them passing, we lose their love along with it. Not necessarily so.
While they have passed on, the love they had shown to us in this life, lives on continually through us. And will define who we are now…and for the rest of our lives. This is good. Because when we win and glow up in the future: guess who is experiencing and helping fuel the meaning, purpose, and fulfillment of that experience?
Correct. Your loved one who has now passed.
7. Overcoming Death Of A Loved One Invites Accountability
Accountability has always—and will always—be my favorite quality to own and hold others to. You are fully accountable for the things you do and don’t do…as well as the things you say and don’t say.
Allow this experience to remind you of your gift of being alive. You have the power to change the world around you, influence it and leave an impression—even change someone’s life.
Express out loud everything important that needs to be said. Let people know, you love and appreciate them. Express gratitude.
Psychic television shows are popular, some make careers doing readings for celebrities. I tell and affirm to my loved ones: “You will never need to pay a psychic for messages I need to get across—I will let you know all I need to say in this life, while I’m still alive.”
Ultimately, that can be one of the most powerful and transformative realizations in life. Take accountability that every action can cause a reaction; good or bad.
Ask yourself what type of energy you want to leave behind.
The death of a loved one is not and never will be an easy process. Nothing can ever fill that person’s role in your life—and nothing is ever meant to. The best we can do is enliven the time we do have left, and allow them to be part of our story and experiences from this point forward.
And by doing so, we are inviting them to live forever. That’s the greatest gift you can give them: live your best life and enjoy those wins.
When we fear moving forward, it’s assumed by doing so we are forgetting our loved one or “leaving them behind”. This is why a cathartic release and processing of your emotions are so important. Because if not, every decision and action will be reflected from that hurt and bottled pain.
Love yourself, as they had loved you in this lifetime. Those memories shared are possibly what gave them great strength to embrace the process of passing on. Whatever you may believe—if there is an afterlife or not—doesn’t take away from this brilliance of life.
I miss my Grandpa to this day. And his life continues to influence me, guide me, and our shared memories fill me with gratitude. Lastly, like characters in a story helps a protagonist for development, remember this:
“If life is like a book, and you can’t judge a book by its cover—you better have a damn good story to tell.”
Be Well & Vibe Well,