If I were to ask you the question, “Do relationships require kindness?” What would your immediate answer be? Most of you would respond yes. However, why is kindness often mistaken for weakness in dating, relationships, and even business?
Kindness isn’t an elusive and confusing factor. Kindness is a choice.
And it’s a very powerful one that can change the course of our experience—with others, but especially with ourselves. Today I want to examine together some concepts of kindness in relationships, and have you consider these 7 key insights:
1. Kindness Is Mistaken For Weakness Because…
Everybody is so damn guarded. We exist in a society that has incredible access to each other’s curated and edited lives on social media. But regardless of how many filters, manipulated images, and carefully selected images we push out:
We never allow anyone “in”.
Most will only ever connect on the superficial and visual level of life. And never brave what it means to go deep with another. Because “deep” isn’t an experience bounded by the sensational pleasure of the flesh. Deep is when you go beyond the external stimuli of physical pleasure.
2. Kindness Is Actually Strength
Depending on how you utilize it. I have met and worked with beautiful people—beautiful souls—because their kindness was an artifact after all of the hurt and trauma they survived from their past. Most people with trauma self-sabotage; self-destruct, and use their pain to inflict upon others.
But in the event a person is able to transform their trauma to help others: watch out world!
Because that exhibits true power. After my personal traumas of surviving severe bullying most of my childhood, I promised myself: never to be as ugly as the people who mistreated me.
Make yourself that promise.
3. True Kindness Is Genuine
Some make the mistaken choice to be kind in order to receive something back. This is not kindness—it’s manipulation. Kindness is not a tactic to get others to react accordingly.
You can’t hold someone hostage because of your kindness to them.
Kindness is about your personal commitment to be that version of yourself. Despite how another reacts. We all have the power to make a kind or unkind choice. Our choices tell us who we are—most importantly, reveal to us who we are.
Being kind, just because you are, makes it easier to really love yourself.
4. Kindness Is A Balanced Cycle
You can’t appreciate the power of kindness unless it’s a balanced, well-functioning, self-sustaining system. How do you achieve this? It’s simple:
You choose who and what has access to you.
If you are kind to someone who has shown you disregard, disrespect, hurt, and pain—you excuse them right out of your life. You don’t stay to “love” the undesirable parts away. That’s their job.
It is NOT your responsibility to parent someone else into how to respect and honor you. You must respect and honor yourself—by being kind to yourself—and leaving when low-level immaturity is being brought to the table.
5. Kindness Is An Energy
It’s a palpable vibe. Kindness is an energy in this universe, that changes the universe. Do you remember the movie “Pay It Forward”? If you don’t, the gist is when you do something kind—it affects others who will want to do something good (large or small) because of that kindness.
All energies become powerful when large enough momentum is behind them.
Kindness can save a life by reminding someone that goodness still exists out there. It can give someone hope that their journey isn’t devoid of meaning. Kindness can remind us of our immense power—when we look beyond just our needs and pain—for the common good of others.
6. You Can’t Be Powerful Without Kindness
Great leaders aren’t followed because they convince & boast about their greatness to others. Great leaders are those who lead from understanding, they are just like us.
They are able to give a voice to the voiceless. And that is ultimately what kindness is about—serving others.
When a person can gain from the simple act of making themself of use to others, this is how they become powerful. Because that type of person is revered and remembered.
People want to serve these types of people.
7. True Weakness Comes From Fear
It isn’t weak to be kind. For many, the very act of being kind is an experience they can’t fathom. Because they have addicted to the belief they lose something by considering others.
When you derive gratitude from abundance, no one can steal your very worth from you. You overflow with self-sustaining beliefs—most importantly belief in yourself—because you can handle anything.
People who have true abundance in life will never claim their life is “perfect”. They are convinced, however, that they can easily adapt to surprises in life and the consequences of their choices because they trust in themselves.
Conclusion
Kindness is weakness only when you use it as a manipulation tactic to make others like you. Your kindness must come from a sincere place—because YOU want to know yourself as kind.
The relationship you have with yourself is the relationship you have with others. When you come from a place of integrity, such as the integrity of being a kind person, you understand that you are kind to others…because you are kind to yourself.
Staying in circumstances with people, places, jobs—or any other factors—which don’t honor you, respect you, and express their appreciation is the UNKINDEST thing you can do. Because it directly says “I simply choose to not advocate for my wellness and joy”.
And if you make a life built from that belief, then that is weakness. Use kindness if you are kind. Use harshness if you are harsh. Most of all, utilize self-love to know who you are and who you represent yourself to be.
How do you want to know yourself?
Be Well & Vibe Well,
– Liana
